The real me is…broken

Today I am joining Lisa-Jo and friends for Five Minute Friday. This is where we come together to write for 5 minutes without editing or overthinking. I love connecting with these ladies…they challenge me to think beyond myself as I write.

Check out what everyone is sharing on the word BROKEN here….


The real me is broken to pieces…broken jar1

I have faults…I get angry, I get mad, I get sad, I get happy, I get glad…I have feelings

I am not trying to impress you…I am not trying to please you…I am not here to judge you

The real me is broken to pieces…broken jar

I am not the perfect wife…I have cussed…I have cried…I have loved…and I have lied

I am not the perfect mom…I have yelled…I have fussed…I have hugged…and I have cherished

The real me is broken to pieces…broken jar2

I am not the perfect friend…I have betrayed…I have stayed…I have mended…and I have bended

I am not the perfect woman…I have aborted…I have spoken out of turn…and I have squatted in the bush

The real me is broken to pieces…broken jar3

Jesus my Savior was broken to pieces too…yet He knew no sin and it for that reason


I surrender my brokenness to Him

alabaster oil jar


A sweet reminder

Today I am joining Lisa-Jo and friends for Five Minute Friday.
This is where we come together writing for 5 minutes without editing or over thinking.

Check out what everyone’s is sharing on the word REMEMBER 


Five Minute Friday
3-2-1 GO
March 2000, I can remember like it was yesterday. Our family  moved from Salisbury MD to Clarksville TN. We loaded our young family into a moving truck and traveled west. We had no idea what was in store for us. We knew we needed a place of restoration and healing for our marriage. Without it we were done…
moving truck
We found an amazing Christian Church to attend which also served as immediate family for our 1st grade son and our daughter who was due to be born any day. After seeking marital counseling our marriage was being renewed daily. With the help of loving friends we were on a path laid out by God.
One year later we moved to Knoxville TN where I enrolled in Johnson Bible College. Six years later and a third child,  I would cross that stage to receive my MA in marriage and family therapy. My degree, our journey is a reminder that anything is possible as long as God in the center of our marriage.
This year Jon and I celebrate 20 years together…

God promised to hold my hand


Today…I continue to look toward Nairobi Kenya. Two months and $2800 more to go. I trust God’s promise to hold my hand along the way from America to Kenya.

Isaiah 41:8-10; 13-16

“But as for you, Israel my servant,
Jacob my chosen one,
descended from Abraham my friend,
I have called you back from the ends of the earth,
saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chosen you
and will not throw you away.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.
Though you are a lowly worm, O Jacob,
don’t be afraid, people of Israel, for I will help you.
I am the Lord, your Redeemer.
I am the Holy One of Israel.’
You will be a new threshing instrument
with many sharp teeth.
You will tear your enemies apart,
making chaff of mountains.
You will toss them into the air,
and the wind will blow them all away;
a whirlwind will scatter them.
Then you will rejoice in the Lord.
You will glory in the Holy One of Israel.


May God bless you as you prayerfully consider how you can partner with me on this mission trip. I welcome prayer partners to join me in praying for safe travels and protection. I welcome prayer partners to pray for the financial provisions of this mission trip. I also welcome financial partners who believe in the work the Lord is accomplishing around the globe. Your tax-deductible donation enables willing missionaries, like me, be the hands and feet of Jesus. You may send you gift to The Lords Child P.O. Box P.O. Box 6120 Sevierville, TN 37864 with my name in the memo line.

May God Bless You!!


A resting place

Five Minute Friday

Today I am joining Lisa-Jo and friends for Five Minute Friday.

This is where we come together writing for 5 minutes without editing or overthinking.
I am new to this community but I love reading how God is working in the lives of the women.

Check out what everyone’s is sharing on the word REST here.


There are few places I will allow my heart to land. As I began to share how I had recently picked up a stone of hurt, my friend very quickly realized how she needed to minister to my wounded spirit.

Without sharing all the details just know that I was in a place of seeking outward approval and affirmation of a God given assignment. God gave me my assignment long before I ever uttered a cry on this planet. Growing up the enemy tried very hard to steal that assignment. As a young woman in my 20’s, I began to see glimpses of the assignment yet I was so broken and tormented by the lies of the enemy. As I walked through my 30’s, The Lord began to reveal a bigger picture that allowed me to see more of who I am created to be. The closer I moved towards 40 the enemy came in with one more blow “you are not really created for that assignment”. And for almost 3 years I have believed every word. Even when my closest friends and family locked eyes with me and said “God gave you an assignment and you know it full well to the core of your being”.

So as I sat sharing with friend through the tears I could hear her say stop striving for man’s approval and come into a place of rest. Rest in knowing I am created by God to bring Him glory through my God given assignment.

Please leave a comment to let me know you stopped by today…



I’ve fallen…

I took a leap of faith…and then I fell.

Yesterday  I completed the Crossfit Open 13.2. The workout was to complete as many rounds as possible in 10 minutes of 5 Shoulder to overhead at 75 lbs; 10 Deadlifts at 75 lbs; and 15 Box jumps at 20

The overheads and deadlifts were a piece of cake. My trainer gave me the option of stacking plates to a height that was just shy of 20″. I was doing fine and then it happened. I went to jump, my foot slipped and I fell chest first on the plates. OUCH!! I rolled onto the floor realizing my fear had come true. I (1)

Laying there I had one choice…to get up and realize fear no longer had a grip on me. I had literally come face to face to that thing that had me bound. I jumped up and went back to the workout! Actually, I left the shorter stack and went on to complete the workout on the 20″ box. After 10 minutes, I completed 5 rounds for a total of 150 reps.rouge crossfit box

In the aftermath I was glad my trainer left me alone. She did not come to my immediate rescue. She watched to make sure I had not broken anything. My fear of falling had to be met head on and today it was conquered.

As I watched my name go up on the whiteboard for 5 rounds completed I  saw this written on the door:

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Phillipians 4:13

One year ago I would have remained on the floor allowing the pain to convince me to never try again.

One year ago I would have walked away with a bruised ego and pride would have won.

Today I left knowing I had come face to face with the fear that held me bound.

I may have fallen…but by golly I finished well!!

(This is a repost of 03/14/2013–original post was mistakenly deleted)

I’m leaving…in 2 months

I am 2 months from getting on a plane and leaving what I call the comforts of home and going to a place unknown, at least unknown to me. I began to cry because I believe God called me to go to Kenya just as He has called me to Venezuela and Uganda in the past.

My tears were not that I doubt the call, but because I still have a way to go with fundraising. The total cost of the trip is $3800 and as of today I have raised just shy of $1000. I have friends who are also raising funds for this trip and they too are trusting God to provide the needed resources. As I began to type more letters and make my list of possible donors I could feel the Lord leading me to a place of simply sitting at His feet to worship.

This song gripped my heart like none other...Oceans (Where my feet my fail). I was doing fine until these words flashed across the screen

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

And it was at that moment that my crying turned into weeping. Last week I began reading several books written by missionaries to Africa. They were both on an unlikely journey to turn what seemed like a dream into a God sized mission. Today I am not sure what I will find when I arrive in Kenya but I know my assignment is to help with a medical clinic and share the love of Jesus with women and children. I know God has greater plans for my life than I could ever begin to dream or imagine.

So today…I am writing to you…I have said yes I will go…Our team will travel to Nairobi, Kenya from May 26 – June 6 2013. We have an opportunity to partner with Orbit Village (, a Christian school of over 400 children grades k thru 12, along with an orphanage consisting of 75 children. While at the village, we will work with the staff and children daily by conducting a medical clinic. The medical clinic will provide physicals, vitamins, antibiotics, and women’s health care. In addition to the medical clinic, I have been tasked with preparing a 4 day women’s conference. The purpose of the women’s conference is to educate women on topics ranging from esteem, parenting, personal hygiene and general health. Our team will also visit a refugee camp, Mathare Valley, on two separate days to conduct a medical clinic. Mathare Valley is considered the slums in of Kenya.

There is no gift too small…a gift of $25 is just as generous as the gift of $1000. Each one is noticed by the Lord. I invite you to listen to the song again and ask the Lord to lead you to a place of trusting Him without borders. For some the Lord may be calling you to stretch your walk in your local community and for some it may be to stretch your walk around the globe. And for others, the Lord is asking you to consider partnering with missionaries, like me, through your prayers and financial support. It is through your partnership the love of Jesus continues to spread. Your tax-deductible donations may be made to the Lord’s Child with my name in the memo line and mailed to The LORD’S Child P.O. Box 612 Sevierville, TN 37864

I am certain when I arrive in Kenya, I will weep with joy…

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

The gift

It has been almost 2 months since I made the commitment to go to Nairobi Kenya. The confirmation and encouragement from friends has been over the top phenomenal. Twenty years ago, my husband told me we would become missionaries. At the time I envisioned moving to a third world country and living in the middle of an unknown foreign land. You could say I felt a little like Sarai and laughed at my Abram.

Since that time I have become the mother of 3 children and provided a foster home for over 20 additional children. I have been blessed to obtain my MA in Professional Counseling and serve in various churches with the main focus of mentoring, counseling and developing women to become lovers of Jesus. In Spring 2005, I was given the opportunity to travel to Maracaibo Venezuela. It was there the Lord spoke to my heart about the work He is doing around the world.venezuela 1 venezuela 3Finally I began to recognize the message my husband spoke over me in the late 90’s did not necessarily mean we would move to another country. Accepting the call to missions can be lived out daily here in America with the expectation there will be times of traveling around the globe. It was not until 2009 that I felt the Lord leading me to travel again. September 2009, I had a dream of walking among a very dark-skinned group of people. I dreamed of celebrating in their worship services and then preparing the children for school. I must stop here and say, at the time of my dream I was not in connection with anyone who was doing missions work in this particular demographic group. As with most of my dreams, I wrote this down in my journal and prayed for God to prepare my heart to know when the timing is right. Approximately one year later I heard a man from Kampala Uganda speak on the needs for women and children in his country. I knew the time was coming near for me to see this prophetic dream became a reality.

September 2011, I had the precious gift of traveling to Uganda with my then 17 year old son and a team from our church. During the 24 hour journey to Uganda I prayed the Lord would open a door for me to have opportunity to minister and serve the women of Uganda. As a mother and foster mom of many, I love children however I know without a doubt my calling is to minister and serve women. For three days I was blessed to share the love of Jesus with women in three different villages. With the help of other women on our team and the translators we also shared basic hygiene procedures to help minimize the spread of disease among the children.

310260_2325191284675_1065659378_n 313916_2325190804663_1326671017_n

This year in May, I have been given the opportunity to travel to Nairobi Kenya. While in Kenya, our main focus will be to provide a medical clinic for women and children. There will be nurses and children’s ministry leaders with specific assignments. The Lord is preparing my heart to provide workshops and teachings specific to the needs of the women.

As a missionary, I depend on the support of others to help with the travel expenses. Today I am writing to ask that you would consider the work the Lord is doing around the globe. In Matthew 28: 20, the Lord commands that we are to go and share the Good News of Jesus Christ. For various reasons, not everyone is able to travel 8000 miles around the world. As a missionary, I am praying the Lord would allow you to become one of the financial partners to help send me. I am willing, able and ready to go!!

Your gift, whether $25, $50, $100, or $500 is valuable to the mission. You may send your tax-deductible donation to The Lord’s Child P.O. Box 6120 Sevierville, TN 37864. Please include my name on the memo line.

Thank you in advance for your prayers!!

Nicole Hawker